A long time ago... who remembers?

 Crazy. THIS. The passage of time.

How time passes... and the things once thought long forgotten sometimes comes back into our lives.

Like this blog.

It's been ... so long...

Maybe I'll post my poem.

Maybe a short story.

Maybe just a short post, to start.

Who knows?

Maybe know that this is a lost art.

May be no one will see it.

Maybe just one person.

Who knows?

I've forgotten this was here.

Like a lovely purse, tucked away in the closet... or a favorite pair of shoes.

Let's see what happens.

Who knows?

How to Make People *Interested* in Your Post

Thiz iz NOT complicated psychology! No!

Zee answer iz much simplier than you might think, Bloggerdom.

My discussion recently with an associate online revealed to me some fundamental rules that I have been missing recently; which is summed up as:

NO ONE HAS TIME TO READ.
(Or, rather, no one in general is taking time to delve into the real meat of anything.)

Not really.

So, we came up with an interesting theory and put our hypothesis to the test.
Seems the results are conclusive.

Time and again, I see vlogs and vids and insta posts garnering the most attention, using similar approaches.

#1 Get a cute puppy
#2 Start each vlog post with cute puppy
#3 Get to the "important/good stuff/CONTENT", while keeping cute puppy closeby
#4 End with clear pic of cute puppy
... I would say cats of that's your thing, but NOT mine (kinda allergic!)

OR cute kid. Or your fav celebrity. Or. Or. Whatever.

Here's what I don't get: where the hell ARE real people anymore???
Is there ANY real discussion nowadays?

Thoughts? Comments?
Anybody out There??

Ciao for now bellas,

~Caro

How the TMNT introduced me to 4 AMAZING ARTISTS!!

Heeeeeelllllllllloooooo, BLOGGERDOM!!!!
(Dum, dum, DUUUUUM!) (Small fanfare... Roar...)

{Ahem.}
Okay.
Ready for another go around? (Edited and posted in March 2019)

Wishing a Happy Belated birthday to Michaelangelo! 
Which one? 
(Courtesy Daily Art - oh I'm sure you know already! 

*It's my comeback post!!! *

So.... ARE YOU READY?

Oh, yeah! That's what I thought you said!

Say what now??? Yes, how the now iconic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles brought me the names of 4 EPIC Italian artists who would, from that time forward, shape my concepts of reality and deeper appreciation for the arts.

To be fair... I WAS only a preteen back then... Oh my goodness wait - 😳 just dated myself!
Here! (Scrambled for the closest VHS tape) 📼
Just watch this!:

EPIC RAP BATTLE TIME!

{Phew}
Okay, recovery moment.
☺️😀
Where was I? Oh. Yes.

"No truer words did any parent or adult ever utter".... Wait no, THAT is not it...

Y'all ready for this? I'm going to drop the Hammer of knowledge upon your heads, just like a ... Well,  hammer.

Okay, I'm not winning any awards for this, so just chill.

Picture this if you will:

It's about the mid-to-late eighties; circa 1987 , if I'm not too far off.
I was sitting back, relaxing, up to no good, when out of my tele, I here this theme song and *BOOM!* blaring !
🎵Ba-da, da-da! Da-da-daaa-da!🎶
(TMNT 1987 Theme song)

I just had to go see... What my older BROTHER was getting to watch.
(Like when he got to see...Transformers, ...or G.I. Joe...or any other boy - biases)

Relax, ladies. I got this, just like "I got milk".
😏
I was a total tomboy back then and did NOT let the patriarchy define these genes!
No sir, er, ma'am.
Which basically just means - I was ahead of the times; a trendsetter, if you will.
I played with Matchbox cars, traded Barbies for He-Man action figures, and played with the Tonka trucks.
Yep...
I was a defiant little shit, even then.
Whoever says girls can't do some crazy ass shit because it's "just a boy thing" never saw me on my bike, jumping off the bridge heading to Wiggins Pass, with some scrapes an scars... I digress, for your sake.
For now.

Here, again. The setting. Two kids laying belly-down, heads propped up in palms, deeply enthralled in the color pictures dancing across the screen. 
The oh so classic "Teenage Mutant..." Theme song plays...
And then, as I watched these (slightly crudely) animated characters, jumping across the colored TV, THERE were these

 4 crazy looking turtle-manbuffed NINJA dudes, with nunchakus, and katanas, and a bo, and sais - AND NO bears, oh my!

And I was like, wow! These characters look so different...

Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael! - And they're MUTANTS??(Which totally psyched me out, man! Pre-Marvel and before X-Men, a comicbook reader's dream!) 

And. And.
AND. I WAS READY TO SEE SOME BLOODSHED!

WHOA. Hold up. 
Let me explain. 
Okay. To be fair, I was a kid in the eighties; we were not told, "oh hey, kids, blood... Go run into the other room: Rated R" or PG or nonna that;
This was a time more like:
"Oh hey kids, blood... Um, are you good? Because I'm going to continue watching this horror film (which is about to give you bad dreams for weeks, if not permanently scar you... 😈}
Shocker.
 (Proceed to insert your fave 70s or 80s horror film here... Oh, can't think of any? Carrie, Nightmare on Elm Street, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, etc)

Just for you. 😘. You're so welcome.

But tsk, sadly to my pre-adolescent mind, it was not to be at the time. (I REALLY loved Bruce Lee at one point... then later, Mortal Combat. Erm. Moving on...)
It was a KID'S SHOW. 

Well, I'm back...again - HELLO BLOG

Why???

Cause I can.
No truer words did any parent or adult ever utter.

So, for anyone interested in what I have been up to lately, I'm back.

Been working, working, working, slaving... like a dog.
But this... this is my TRUE love. Writing to you. There wherever you may be: in your home/work/ luxury style apartment/ tent in the middle of no where.

Just for you.

Now that this exciting news has been broadcast, I will be doing a series of blog posts on, AMAZINGLY, places I have actually wandered TO from home. WOW.

Shocker.

Ok. Catch up time. Hope y'all are good... yes, good? ...Ok, good.

Love ya all, without you I am just 8 fingers and 2 thumbs looking solemnly into cyberspace, awaiting excitingly for your inevitable unwilling relentless return to my weird, but fun, page.

Oh. How I've missed you!

:)

Thanks and take care.

~Ciao, mon bel petit,

Caro B.

City on the SPOT: Naples, FL - BOY, Though LOVELY... I'm Bored!

Naples, Florida.
The Italian-named jewel of the Southwest Coast of Florida.
The Retirement Capital of the US for the old, rich, or both.

Ah Yes, Naples is very family friendly for the most part.
Very nice. Very lovely. Very..., er... Beachy.

http://www.laplayaresort.com/naples-florida-beach-resort-webcam.aspx - Live Web cam courtesy of
LaPlaya Beach & Golf Resort
9891 Gulf Shore Drive, Naples, FL 34108

RESERVATIONS: 800-237-6883 HOTEL DIRECT: 239-597-3123

http://www.enaplesflorida.com/ ~ Live web cam courtesy of

Sun Realty: Graham Ginsberg

3757 Tamiami Trail North, 34103, Naples Fl Tel:239-404-4221

Like any city, there are some areas more desirable than others, and no, despite any articles to the idea, the streets are NOT paved in gold.
:)
However, they are very clean in comparison to some other area cities.  Punta Gorda gulf area might be comparable to in cleanliness. Port Charlotte is nice, but dull. Immokalee is growing, but besides the Seminole Casino, kinda far from... everything else.

Some areas are prone to some crime, such as theft and vandalism, but you do not hear about it often, and when you do... it's big local news. Areas like Marco Island, Ava Maria, Port Richey... hardly any real crime. That you hear of locally, anyways. There is big money and subsequently, big lawyers/ law firms.

So. NOT. New York City.
More like Manhattan, eh Upper New York State. Parts of New Jersey, minus shore smell. Elizabethtown comes to mind.

Much more friendly than some parts of Fort Myers, which is our next closest big city. Although I have found that some residents in Lee county area (Bonita Springs, Estero, San Carlos) can be equally, if not MORE friendly, there are many areas of Naples that still have that down-home, slightly country feel that makes you welcome to walk in and hang about for a while.
 Especially any dive bar. The one of Pine Ridge Road, for example.

NICE.

The Naples area boasts many elementary, middle and high schools to choose from; my best suggestion is to contact the schools personally and vet them as if your student already attends the school. Skip all the fluff, get to the real facts.

Some things to keep in mind: If you are looking for a very active city, with lots of family-friendly activities, and tons to do every weekend - I would be looking in a different area. Unless you LOVE (and I do mean - LOVE A LOT) many watersports, as it boasts an ENDLESS variety; Fishing, skiing, scuba diving, boating, fishing, jet skiing, swimming, and did I mention?

FISHING.
Not. My. Forte`.

It does have some annual and holiday/festive activities, mind you; however, I would judge the level of activity based on your preferences and level of busyness you currently enjoy. There is a zoo, a kid's museum, a lovely park in downtown area, several parks actually... some fantastic beaches (once you live here, you may not visit as often, AKA= THE HEAT INDEX) , a waterpark (open most of year-not all) and BUNCHES AND BUNCHES of shopping areas.
Ha.
That.
More MY speed.

The central mall is Coastland Center, and next is closest is only about 20-30 minutes North, out of Naples, depending on traffic.
The most active and newest shopping center out of the bunch is Mercato, which is centrally located off of Highway US 41, AKA Tamiami Trail North, AKA 9th St North in Naples (yes, it goes by several names, this road.)
Well, anyways, hope this helps a bit in your search. It really is a quiet, nice place to rest your head and know the kiddos are all right.

Anyways, my little blogga-dos, I will check in again. See how are ya holding up.
I'm alright. Just. HOT.

Have a lovely air-conditioned summer, y'all.

~ Vous petit- Cherie,
Caro B.

LOOOONG Time , No? - Yes, well, ... time to come back

SO . My little bloggers. My bloggerdom! Oh , how I have missed you!

{Hearing gasps... no wait. Is that disbelief I hear??}

Yes, my pretties. I'M BACK.
With a renewed vengeance.

Well, vengeance is such a HARSH word.
Let's call it - determination.
Ah, yes.
That'll do, bloggies, that'll do.

I have been enjoying a lot of reading, and not so much the ever present work. Presently, I have been trying to read more for personal growth and less for necessity, but needs win out.

 But, needs must, and well, I don't really need to explain.

Hey, that's why some of us are here, after all.
To escape.
To get away from the norm.
The hum-drum, the absolute of the world. 
WORK.
Eck.

But for a time, that involved doing that which I most enjoyed : 
playing music.

YES, mon petit curios, I do play music.
Not your atypical , ROCK AND ROLL. Nor HIP-HOP.
Nor any funky, over-processed, electronic shit.
No.
Just plain old, good-time, fun, get you up and dance or sing.
Or think.
Like this book I was reading.

OH, my other true passion : READING.
I'm such a nerd. And a geek. But that's why you love, ...er, like,... um, tolerate me so .

Enjoy, my lovely wanderers. For I will be back for more.
:)

Your petit écrivain

LOVE

Is a wonderful thing...

Is beautiful....

Is crazy and amazing all at once...

Makes you soar, makes you weep, makes you laugh for no reason....

Other than being ultimately happy.....

How happy?
Mmm....

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<This Much!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So that you never want to come down from that high.
And even when things go haywire...
Even when things go wrong...

Even when plans don't go, well... as planned, and my mind is foolish...
Love

Stupid, silly, happy, amazing love...
Always finds a way of making things right.

Because it's real.
And perfect.

Even when I don't always feel that way.

So.... thank you.

OK. I promised to get some sleep... lol yeah. Just had to say this tonight.
I miss my smiling sweetheart... want to see your smile again soon.

Ok, goodnight.

Borrowing vs Having something new to say

Oh, Bloggerdom.

(*Siiiigh*)

What-EVER are we to do with lil ol' me?

I'm fighting off the inevitable, with a silly straw and a spork. They are very poor weapons, I know. It really REALLY isn't going well for me.
I'm thinking I need to stop trying so hard to escape it, and start cultivating it.

Unlike my garden.

It's a MESS. Waaaay too many weeds, and I think the aloe vera plants have mutated... they're everywhere.

But.

I digress.

(Hope your minds didn't wander into a gutter somewhere.... no, not THAT type of garden, ... sheesh, I'd have to change my rating, wouldn't I?)

{Eh, maybe it's just my mind that wandered... lol}

I just want to know, what the hell. Why can't I get through that I'm not a constant worrier to someone who apparantly LOVES to worry?

It's not enough that the worrying is fraying my nerves, but .... I actually appreciate his concern. It's morever, when I am OK, just DANDY, ...

--FINE, even--

that I'm asked, "What's wrong?"
Then my mind starts to wonder....

AM I OK?
Yes.

Ok....

Where do I really stand in all this? Not ON this, I know how I feel about my Brit, Mr. Grin; it's more a question of asking him,

"Am I getting through to you, or are you stuck on one idea?"

Let me clarify.

Dears, I've said this before...

Don't try to be someone else for me... and don't push your idea of ME unto ME.

That is, if you only show someone one side of your personality long enough, that's who you are to them. So that when you get to know someone, THAT'S who they know, THAT'S who they relate to...even if it isn't the WHOLE picture. This is especially tricky if you get to know someone while you are still trying to get things sorted.

Then something changes, and you start to act just like YOU... no ideal smiles, no hiding the emotional roll or toll you may be on, ... sometimes, you wanna cry, and rant, and be sad...rather THAN sparing them for their sake, you are naturally you....THEN things get complicated.

So, why do we ALWAYS have a tendency of trying to convince someone that they are acting "strange, different,... distant" ? Why not just, oh , I DON'T KNOW, listen?

Realize that sometimes, it's not them that's acting strange or different.

You just... didn't really want to see that part of them before.

I liked this phrasing I read, although it was in Spanish and I've had to translate it. I believe that it was originally phrased in English anyway...

SIX SMILES

You have six smiles.

-Who does?

You.

Didn't you know that?....

-No...

You have six smiles...

One for when something genuinely made you laugh,...and one when it is just as a courtesy.

One for when you feel embarrassed,... and one when you are laughing at yourself.

One when something has surprised you,... and one for when you think of...

-Of what?

Of him.

My special smile...

I can't get enough poetry...- or- WHEN did I become such a sap?

AH, Poetry. It's cheesy; it's classy. It's sometimes a little crassy....especially in lymeric form.

But you know what, Bloggerdom?

I would take a bet... nay, I would gander that any of you ALL would not mind it ONE EENSY WEENSY BIT to get a love poem from someone you care about. And more so, when you are still in a "lovey dovey" mood, or the inevitable:

"Oh-MY-GOD--Too-damn-cute-that-I-might-hurl" stage. That's the stage where everyone around you ...mm... yeah. You guessed it: if they don't love ya, they'd feel like punching you.

Mr. Grin (see last post) , as I will refer to my sweet Brit, has me feeling this way...mmm... by the way, I LOVE his voice. Let's just say, he's from Liverpool, and well... haha.... I would never have thought that anything better than the Beatles could have come from that part of England. That, AND a pretty kick ass soccer team. OH. Oops. Sorry!
He'd correct me for that.
Football.

*sigh*
And I love how he calls me "hottie".

*rowr*

Anyways...
I get this email saying that he loves me, but it's in this form:

AMAZING

It's Amazing...

How one person can change your life

How a smile from you can erase everything bad

How life seems less scary when you're holding my hand.

It's Phenomenal...

How fate brings two strangers together

How I survived before I knew you

How, whenever I'm with you it's like a great new adventure.

It's Beautiful...

How love can be so unconditional

How learning about you is like reading my favorite story.

How loving you is so easy.

And I'm so thankful...

That I'm able to know this

Amazing

Phenomenal

Beautiful person

And because...

I LOVE YOU

I know, it's not original... hell, he even admits to it! SO I'm not being duped into thinking that the poem is just the result of his heated imagination thinking of me... but...

And there's always a 'but'....

He does put in an effort.

Hmmm... I think I'm going to have to reevaluate my previous skeptism about men who use poetry to woo a woman... since I've already been 'wooed' , he just sweetens the deal.

Ciao, ma bella cosas.
~C

Okay... :-}

Haha, yeeeeaah. You can guess, Dear Bloggerdom...

Since I'm grinning like a fool.

I have that feeling.

That very funny, serious feeling....

Deeep down inside.... as a
Woman ... I neeed this... oh my.

My, my... dammit.

Why does it feel so good, and yet worries me endlessly?
Why, oh why do you keep doing this to me, Cupid...
You can be such a bitch.

You made me feel... and now ... what?

*Butterflies*

....

Floating up in the clouds...
Endlessly daydreaming...

Grr.

There's a good reason for the "grr."
IF you know... yeah. If you know...
The road has been paved with tears and fears...
It hasn't been easy to let go , and yet...
*Sigh*

I can see that your eyes... sparkling... looking so lovingly into mine...
So filled with the love, reflecting that inner warmth...
Still have questions.

You should be worried.

YOU and I both.

http://youtu.be/BlftQKkArgg

Oh, Cinco de Mayo, upon us once again...

Hello, my precious Bloggerdom. How's it? You holding up okay?

I know-- I haven't called, or texted... I haven't even sent a card lately... very inconsiderate. I apologize; truly.
You are like my small bundle of joy that I've watched develop and grow,... and finally rebel and decide to move out on your own, maybe get a few tatooes and body piercings, and end up owing over $10,000 in debt. It's easy to see why we only associate on the holidays. But somehow, I still love you. Why? It's just ... so hard to let go. :-}

So let's eat and drink, be merry and celebrate.
Cinco de Mayo!
Hey hey! .....Corona?

Health: self.com


I'm not Mexican. Let's just set the record straight now... I don't even remotely look like any of my guy's second-cousins-once removed. I have not had any 'Mexican in me', as one crass and rather tackless man had suggested, and neither do I want to. Well, hmm, unless... there's someone beautiful I know who's part Mexican, if the timing was right, decided.... well, *ahem*.

'Nuff of that... can only lead to trouble.

Which I'm good at. GREAT, actually.

Pretty awesome.

I digress though...

This holiday, though, has nothing to do with Mexico and a celebration of life. It has more to do with yet another excuse for the AMERICAN (U.S.) public to go drinking, eat spicy foods, and dance until our legs fall off... or very near to it. Which I have NO problem doing at any time! :)
It's been a while since I've gotten out and enjoyed the nightlife on any made-up/trumped-up holiday; I may very well get hammered. But on the plus side, I have also been doing very well losing weight and keeping it off. I looked at photos of myself from 2007 and could not believe how different I look now. It's one thing to hear someone else say it, but when you can really see the weight difference for yourself, it can be a shock.


Spicy dishes are not the easiest for me to stomach, but as long as I don't go overboard, I like dishes with cumin, black pepper, ginger, jalepeno, and cilantro-not really a 'spicy' spice, but careful not to overdo it either- so that even boring chicken breast can be delicious. They really 'push things along the digestive track', if you get my drift. And that's one of the keys, besides exercise, that helps it melt off... you have to be nice to your insides too!

So, I'm doing all that I can to make sure that the 'long overdue removal of extra babyweight ' , (L.O.R.E.B. for short?) does not make a re-appearance. This Self site has been very helpful to start my track on losing those first stubborn 10 pounds, and I'm down a couple dress sizes. Getting slowly back to my weight from my twenties is much harder said than done, now that I am in my thirties (firmly fixing my mind towards looking good for July) , but the work is worthwhile. I feel stronger, healthier, more willing to get things done or just go out and do them.


Smaller me + more energy = even MORE energy when I go dance tonight! Woo! :D

Please, drink responsibly if you decide to go out tonight... if you stay home, have an extra one for me.
One tequila,... two tequila... something 'bout the floor? *KONK!*

;)

I found a black pebble on my path one day...

...and thought about a story I had forgotten, until that day. A story of wit, decision, and a bit of quick thinking.

Figured I would share it with you; perhaps, spare you from too much of my own insight for today. Maybe another day, sugar, since I'm a little tired. More and more lately... hmm...

well, my dear wanderers.

Enjoy. ;)

Thinking "Out of the Box"

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the money lender. The money lender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant's beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant's debt if he could marry the merchant's daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. The cunning money lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.

The money lender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But, if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant's garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine you were standing in the merchant's garden. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking.

Think of the consequences if she chooses the logical answers.

What would you recommend the girl do?

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

Oh, I hate doling these out... but I guess if you need one...

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we just have to think about them in a different way.

Boys, men, and those "things" in between...

Well, ahem, hello again sugars. Damn computers will drive me insane... but Good to be back!
Inappropriate raising of arms, refusing to salute Nixon-style...

Ok, you naughty nellies, what have you been into... I mean, UP to? ;)
So, yes, I am returning to my favorite medium after a LOOOONG stretch, and I feel a little better. Less one "grudge-ling" on my shoulder, which is always a weight off.
Now, to get rid of about 200 pounds of ... oh, right. Let me get back to what I'm here for, mm, bloggers?

In my travels, I've come to a very long-awaited understanding of things which I should have been aware of long ago. After all, for a woman of my age (lordie, just thinking that made me feel older) I should have realised this much sooner, but being a person that has tried to shed the last remnants of naitivity, and being unable to do so easily, I gave to much credit where it was not due. Much to my unneeded lament, I have had to learn the truth the hard way. Has it made me tougher? Maybe,... at heart I'm still a softie, but I've learned to also protect the one organ that can't seem to protect itself. Despite all the rib cage, and whatnot.

Therefore, I have come to certain inalienable conclusions, which I will impart to you here.
After all, isn't this why you love me so? ;)

Yes, well, here it is... I don't like to categorize men, but unfortunately (for them) they tend to do things that cause women to make the same conclusions that I have made. There are times which, albeit not within their own conscience knowledge, that they also have a tendency of mixing and crossing over these categories. With that said, I have come to see the male of our diverse and complicated, yet all so inevitable, species as falling within these three simple categories:

There are Boys.
There are Men.
Then, there are...haha... yeah, you guessed it.

Why is it so simple?
I cannot fault boys for being boys... we have all seen it firsthand. Youth provides two things without thought: the ability to be active, and the ability to be boundlessly idiotic. Just plain stupid. So why should I be angry at a boy being a boy? When a boy is no longer a young man. Because then, you really don't have an excuse to be stupid... you're just being mean, spiteful, ignorant, or refuse to accept your own faults. Let's get one thing straight. When a man insists that he's just a boy at heart, please don't confuse this for wanting to be young... unless it pertains to sports or a car. Because it usually means, "Um, it's not my fault that I've done what I've done, especially if I hurt you; that responsibility will fall to someone else because I can't be bothered to be a man." The fact is, we all grow up, and if you refuse to accept responsibility for your own life, then it doesn't matter if you want to blame everyone else. They have all moved on...

Men, real men, can be absolute dears. Wonderful. Fantastic. Yummy.... um,... smart. Funny. Interesting. Realistic. Focused. Complicated, yet amazingly, all at the same time, talented in appearing completely uncomplicated.
WOW.
Just not enough words to describe how great a real man is...

Hmm, ... well... some men might have a problem with my post, but hell, if you are men, then this post really is not for you... it's for you other lot that seem to skim by the surface of life, infecting and needlessly pestering women with your incessant need to create turmoil, conflict, and strife. Yes, you "other", if you could have been bothered to read this far... I'm looking right at you.

Don't make me come over there... and no, it won't be fun. Or good.
I have a heavy hand, and I know how to use it.
Pointed stare I'm keeping an eye on you lot.

But I'm sure that if you are a man, and you made it this far, thank you. I congratulate you (needlessly, cause you know you're just that damn awesome).

I will post...

... as soon as my connection is steady. Yes, my lovely bloggers... I'm alive!
Love you folks, be back soon...

I have wandered....

... near and far; and occasionally, been led astray.

But my need to plot down the things that I have done, alas,
has yet to go away.

Been a long time since I blogged last... wonder what everyone has been up to....
Ah, yes... you all have been quite busy, I see. Well, now, that is good. I'm glad to report that I have been as well. Let's see, courses are coming along quite nicely. I'm entering into my second year with the same college, and excited to fill up my days with unending reading and posting. :P
My sweet little girl will be turning 9 in the next few months... also, very exciting. I'll be expected to produce a "bonanza" of a party, as usual, and with very little help from the peanut gallery (as usual).

Socially, I could be doing better. I have not been trying folks, I kid you not; but, I have managed to acquire a stalker of sorts. And he's hit me in the one medium I least expected: through text- messaging. Now , this might not be so new for some of you {either to the proficient text-stalkers out there, or the recipient of such immediate and indemnifying messaging}, but I am NOT one to use text very often.
SO, when I began receiving what seemed like harmless and rather friendly text from someone I just barely talked to before, I took it upon myself to be friendly in return. BIG MISTAKE. I should have read the "this man is going to continue to pester you like tics on a dog" manual for Stalker's Texting Etiquette, because I did not expect to receive 100 messages in 2 weeks!

That is just a WEE bit much for us non-texters, especially from one person. That I barely talked to. And did I add, met once?

Yes. I have a stalker. As long as he does not try to find out where I live, I should be okay. I hope.... Egads, I need a few suggestions on what to do.



Well, Bloggerdom, love to stay and chat, but this cat needs her sleep.

Here's some food for thought....

Ok, more like 'words' than 'food', but you get the gist. I just want to try something new, and happily for me (ta-ta-da!), there's this lovely medium to hoar out as much as I choose to do... so I will.
*Muah!*
Thank you, dear Bloggerdom.
Alrighty! Intro to post, done. I'm ready to move forward.

That being said, are you ready?

Here you go...

What do these words really mean to you?

Self-consciousness
Awareness
Reflection
Distraction
Instinct
Need
Existence
Self-thoughts

????

Anybody? I'm sure someone gets it.... ah, there you go! :D

Yes, the mind is a terrible thing to waste; especially since, well, we only have one, right? Unless you're a micro-manager, then you hold several smaller minds in your sway, to control and subvert like zombies to your will-- as you please and... uh, well, I'm probably getting out of context, again.

*sigh*
( I tend to do that quite a bit.)
(Well, yes, I sigh a lot, too, but don't lose sight at this point, because, I, apparantly, can and will be distracted easily by... how did someone put it?)
....
(Oh, yes, I REMEMBER, 'small shiny objects' or baubles and men with incredible, superior intellect? Oh, yes, dear...poor little ol' me. Just a girl in the world... that's all that they'll let me be...)

I've come to realize several "truths" in life will only ever be if I allow them to be.

So, I choose not to let certain "truths", be. Follow? No? That's perfectly ok, too. This is my path, as I choose to live it and let others be. I do not need sheep; I am no shepard to anyone but myself. I will be, and that is that. It is only in the present in which I am eternal, as time and life passes through me. So, I will be. And that is that. What happens from here? I really don't know; but, I can tell you... it's going to be an experience.

Sorry Bloggerdom... Can you SEE me now??

Good!...
I have to apologize.... for my Internet connection issues. It's like a bad relationship with someone that you know you shouldn't be with, but you continue to put up with for lack of having someone else to turn to... and when you finally get into that other "great" relationship that you know is just what you need, it only gets worse. So much for looking forward to better service...

Hey Service Provider: What do I need to do to get some REAL service around here?
*Flashes more than just a smile*
Hmmm??

I know that it's my responsibility to return when I stated that I would. I should not try to make a commitment without confirming with my service provider. Such a tight leash that I am on...
Still trying to figure out--why there are times that I can connect and seem like I have no problems, then be completely disconnected the next? Funny how MAAN put it, and I'll apologize beforehand if it's not an exact quote: the day when we no longer have computer connection issues is the day when we can all connect on a psychic level.

In that case, I shall try to make do without getting fired for thinking indiscrete thoughts before an online meeting.

Realized even with the "Fall Back"...

... it's too late at night to post. 4:30 AM--- would have been 5:30? WHY am I still awake? Oh yeah...
Promised a few posts to some special people, so I won't disappoint.
Come back.... probably, later today!
Here's hoping these plans don't go to poop too...

Life...continued

I will live my life being happy in my skin; I will not break; I will be the shepard of my own soul. - Caro

I couldn't speak about my fears for a long time. But, as I turn my fears into realizations, I am able to confront them and use them to my advantage. I stopped beating myself up over how I feel about how I look. I'm happy to say that I am more comfortable in my own abilities, and that I will NEVER be perfect. Does that sound like a mantra? It is-- it's the mantra of a person with perfectionist problems. Say THAT five times fast! Agh.

I am not your perfect person, but I'm just right for me.

Now, I am more aware of the fact that I was trying to hard to be 'just right'... and every time I 'failed' it hurt so bad, because I was setting my goals so high that I could never realistically reach them. I spend time with my daughter, telling her all the time that I want her to do her best and be happy that she tried her hardest. No one is going to win all the time, despite what anyone thinks. It's a matter of a law of physics (maybe). :p

Now I am going for a 30 minute walk, not run, because I need some sunshine. ;*

My life: Too much information...

This is probably more than I would usually tell, but here goes...

I think the media warp our self-images, but I gotta give some of the credit to the moms out there. My mom, who I love dearly now and forever, was a decisive factor in my view. Even now, at a neat size 8, she thinks she is too "fat" because she can't fit into her size 4's and 6's.

I was a classic stereotype-- no makeup, dressed in jeans and t-shirts (and pullovers) for comfort, always with my nose in a book, and (*gasp*) was even in the orchestra as a violinist. I had even been accused of being a lesbian in front of my whole year class in middle school, right smack dab in the middle of the cafeteria, because of the way I dressed. I learned what it meant to have to develop “tough skin” due to those comments. I didn’t have a clear idea if I was or not, but they way people said it, it was given as an insult. I wasn’t asked out to date but once in middle school, and when I did I thought it was a mean joke. I was angry, so I laughed in his face, told him "yeah, right, so you can pull a 'Carrie' on me, I don't think so" and ran away. I felt bad about it afterwards when I heard that he had meant it.

I have been mostly "overweight" since middle school (in elementary school they just called me "chubby"), and high school was the worst. I never felt like I fit in to any group: not quite "dorky enough" for the smart kids, not quite "shy enough" for the wallflowers, and certainly not "beautiful enough" for the popular crowd. I was a 20-22 jeans at my biggest then: a bit shy, mostly an emotional-eater, and drawn to books about science fictions or mystery. THAT was my true pleasure, to get lost in a good book, more than chocolate (well, mostly more... unless it was a REALLY bad day.)

My first year of high school, I tried weight-loss pills (speed), and lost a bunch really quick; I was ecstatic until I almost overdosed when I couldn't control it. After that, my mom tried to make sure that she watched me like a hawk. I think she meant well, but I had to eat while she was still self-conscience about her own weight. So while I had to eat the burger- cheese, bun and all- when she was eyeing me, she pecked at her food (usually a plain salad) like a bird. My home life was so messed up.

I didn't date anyone serious until my junior year of high school, and he didn't even go to the same school in the same county (and considering where I lived, that was a feat, since the high schools were pretty far apart.) We dated, separated, reconciled, and have been together ever since. We married 11 years ago and have been through a whole helluva lot together. I love him dearly: he is truly my best friend, lover, and partner-for-life. We had an eye-opening experience recently where I finally got his attention back… but that’s another story. Let’s get back to this one for now.

It wasn't until I turned 22 that I finally lost some healthy weight. I felt great even though, at a 10-12, I still didn't consider myself skinny; just healthy. I ate better, danced a lot, and was going to college for a degree. I had friends, hung out at their houses, just chilled and had fun.
Then I was pregnant. Now, I know that having a child changes people, but there are good changes and bad changes. I had a child, and I emotionally just lost it. I gained all the weight back and then some, lost interest in eating well, and stopped going to school to stay home with the little one. I became severely depressed, lost my job. I tried several times to get back into the workforce, but nothing seemed to stick.

The depression and lack of funds caused me to lose my house, my dog, and my "friends", which was exasperated by losing not only a best friend but also my little brother within one year. I learned to love my daughter fiercely, but often lost myself in that love to ignore the fact that I didn’t care for myself. It finally struck home about a year ago: I hated myself. Not only that, but I hated all that I had become. It wasn’t enough that my husband loved me, my daughter called me the “Best Mommy in the Whole World”… because if I didn’t care for me, it didn’t register. So, I snapped out of it.
I realized that in not wanting to worry about my self-image, I was just going to make my daughter feel bad about herself. Ironic. I love my daughter but I will make her feel bad about having a few pounds. Duh! What an idiot. I couldn’t get over how I felt about that. I cried to hard my throat felt like it was going to fall off or explode, it was that painful.
This story to be continued…