LOOOONG Time , No? - Yes, well, ... time to come back

SO . My little bloggers. My bloggerdom! Oh , how I have missed you!

{Hearing gasps... no wait. Is that disbelief I hear??}

Yes, my pretties. I'M BACK.
With a renewed vengeance.

Well, vengeance is such a HARSH word.
Let's call it - determination.
Ah, yes.
That'll do, bloggies, that'll do.

I have been enjoying a lot of reading, and not so much the ever present work. Presently, I have been trying to read more for personal growth and less for necessity, but needs win out.

 But, needs must, and well, I don't really need to explain.

Hey, that's why some of us are here, after all.
To escape.
To get away from the norm.
The hum-drum, the absolute of the world. 
WORK.
Eck.

But for a time, that involved doing that which I most enjoyed : 
playing music.

YES, mon petit curios, I do play music.
Not your atypical , ROCK AND ROLL. Nor HIP-HOP.
Nor any funky, over-processed, electronic shit.
No.
Just plain old, good-time, fun, get you up and dance or sing.
Or think.
Like this book I was reading.

OH, my other true passion : READING.
I'm such a nerd. And a geek. But that's why you love, ...er, like,... um, tolerate me so .

Enjoy, my lovely wanderers. For I will be back for more.
:)

Your petit écrivain

LOVE

Is a wonderful thing...

Is beautiful....

Is crazy and amazing all at once...

Makes you soar, makes you weep, makes you laugh for no reason....

Other than being ultimately happy.....

How happy?
Mmm....

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<This Much!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So that you never want to come down from that high.
And even when things go haywire...
Even when things go wrong...

Even when plans don't go, well... as planned, and my mind is foolish...
Love

Stupid, silly, happy, amazing love...
Always finds a way of making things right.

Because it's real.
And perfect.

Even when I don't always feel that way.

So.... thank you.

OK. I promised to get some sleep... lol yeah. Just had to say this tonight.
I miss my smiling sweetheart... want to see your smile again soon.

Ok, goodnight.

Borrowing vs Having something new to say

Oh, Bloggerdom.

(*Siiiigh*)

What-EVER are we to do with lil ol' me?

I'm fighting off the inevitable, with a silly straw and a spork. They are very poor weapons, I know. It really REALLY isn't going well for me.
I'm thinking I need to stop trying so hard to escape it, and start cultivating it.

Unlike my garden.

It's a MESS. Waaaay too many weeds, and I think the aloe vera plants have mutated... they're everywhere.

But.

I digress.

(Hope your minds didn't wander into a gutter somewhere.... no, not THAT type of garden, ... sheesh, I'd have to change my rating, wouldn't I?)

{Eh, maybe it's just my mind that wandered... lol}

I just want to know, what the hell. Why can't I get through that I'm not a constant worrier to someone who apparantly LOVES to worry?

It's not enough that the worrying is fraying my nerves, but .... I actually appreciate his concern. It's morever, when I am OK, just DANDY, ...

--FINE, even--

that I'm asked, "What's wrong?"
Then my mind starts to wonder....

AM I OK?
Yes.

Ok....

Where do I really stand in all this? Not ON this, I know how I feel about my Brit, Mr. Grin; it's more a question of asking him,

"Am I getting through to you, or are you stuck on one idea?"

Let me clarify.

Dears, I've said this before...

Don't try to be someone else for me... and don't push your idea of ME unto ME.

That is, if you only show someone one side of your personality long enough, that's who you are to them. So that when you get to know someone, THAT'S who they know, THAT'S who they relate to...even if it isn't the WHOLE picture. This is especially tricky if you get to know someone while you are still trying to get things sorted.

Then something changes, and you start to act just like YOU... no ideal smiles, no hiding the emotional roll or toll you may be on, ... sometimes, you wanna cry, and rant, and be sad...rather THAN sparing them for their sake, you are naturally you....THEN things get complicated.

So, why do we ALWAYS have a tendency of trying to convince someone that they are acting "strange, different,... distant" ? Why not just, oh , I DON'T KNOW, listen?

Realize that sometimes, it's not them that's acting strange or different.

You just... didn't really want to see that part of them before.

I liked this phrasing I read, although it was in Spanish and I've had to translate it. I believe that it was originally phrased in English anyway...

SIX SMILES

You have six smiles.

-Who does?

You.

Didn't you know that?....

-No...

You have six smiles...

One for when something genuinely made you laugh,...and one when it is just as a courtesy.

One for when you feel embarrassed,... and one when you are laughing at yourself.

One when something has surprised you,... and one for when you think of...

-Of what?

Of him.

My special smile...

I can't get enough poetry...- or- WHEN did I become such a sap?

AH, Poetry. It's cheesy; it's classy. It's sometimes a little crassy....especially in lymeric form.

But you know what, Bloggerdom?

I would take a bet... nay, I would gander that any of you ALL would not mind it ONE EENSY WEENSY BIT to get a love poem from someone you care about. And more so, when you are still in a "lovey dovey" mood, or the inevitable:

"Oh-MY-GOD--Too-damn-cute-that-I-might-hurl" stage. That's the stage where everyone around you ...mm... yeah. You guessed it: if they don't love ya, they'd feel like punching you.

Mr. Grin (see last post) , as I will refer to my sweet Brit, has me feeling this way...mmm... by the way, I LOVE his voice. Let's just say, he's from Liverpool, and well... haha.... I would never have thought that anything better than the Beatles could have come from that part of England. That, AND a pretty kick ass soccer team. OH. Oops. Sorry!
He'd correct me for that.
Football.

*sigh*
And I love how he calls me "hottie".

*rowr*

Anyways...
I get this email saying that he loves me, but it's in this form:

AMAZING

It's Amazing...

How one person can change your life

How a smile from you can erase everything bad

How life seems less scary when you're holding my hand.

It's Phenomenal...

How fate brings two strangers together

How I survived before I knew you

How, whenever I'm with you it's like a great new adventure.

It's Beautiful...

How love can be so unconditional

How learning about you is like reading my favorite story.

How loving you is so easy.

And I'm so thankful...

That I'm able to know this

Amazing

Phenomenal

Beautiful person

And because...

I LOVE YOU

I know, it's not original... hell, he even admits to it! SO I'm not being duped into thinking that the poem is just the result of his heated imagination thinking of me... but...

And there's always a 'but'....

He does put in an effort.

Hmmm... I think I'm going to have to reevaluate my previous skeptism about men who use poetry to woo a woman... since I've already been 'wooed' , he just sweetens the deal.

Ciao, ma bella cosas.
~C

Okay... :-}

Haha, yeeeeaah. You can guess, Dear Bloggerdom...

Since I'm grinning like a fool.

I have that feeling.

That very funny, serious feeling....

Deeep down inside.... as a
Woman ... I neeed this... oh my.

My, my... dammit.

Why does it feel so good, and yet worries me endlessly?
Why, oh why do you keep doing this to me, Cupid...
You can be such a bitch.

You made me feel... and now ... what?

*Butterflies*

....

Floating up in the clouds...
Endlessly daydreaming...

Grr.

There's a good reason for the "grr."
IF you know... yeah. If you know...
The road has been paved with tears and fears...
It hasn't been easy to let go , and yet...
*Sigh*

I can see that your eyes... sparkling... looking so lovingly into mine...
So filled with the love, reflecting that inner warmth...
Still have questions.

You should be worried.

YOU and I both.

http://youtu.be/BlftQKkArgg

Oh, Cinco de Mayo, upon us once again...

Hello, my precious Bloggerdom. How's it? You holding up okay?

I know-- I haven't called, or texted... I haven't even sent a card lately... very inconsiderate. I apologize; truly.
You are like my small bundle of joy that I've watched develop and grow,... and finally rebel and decide to move out on your own, maybe get a few tatooes and body piercings, and end up owing over $10,000 in debt. It's easy to see why we only associate on the holidays. But somehow, I still love you. Why? It's just ... so hard to let go. :-}

So let's eat and drink, be merry and celebrate.
Cinco de Mayo!
Hey hey! .....Corona?

Health: self.com


I'm not Mexican. Let's just set the record straight now... I don't even remotely look like any of my guy's second-cousins-once removed. I have not had any 'Mexican in me', as one crass and rather tackless man had suggested, and neither do I want to. Well, hmm, unless... there's someone beautiful I know who's part Mexican, if the timing was right, decided.... well, *ahem*.

'Nuff of that... can only lead to trouble.

Which I'm good at. GREAT, actually.

Pretty awesome.

I digress though...

This holiday, though, has nothing to do with Mexico and a celebration of life. It has more to do with yet another excuse for the AMERICAN (U.S.) public to go drinking, eat spicy foods, and dance until our legs fall off... or very near to it. Which I have NO problem doing at any time! :)
It's been a while since I've gotten out and enjoyed the nightlife on any made-up/trumped-up holiday; I may very well get hammered. But on the plus side, I have also been doing very well losing weight and keeping it off. I looked at photos of myself from 2007 and could not believe how different I look now. It's one thing to hear someone else say it, but when you can really see the weight difference for yourself, it can be a shock.


Spicy dishes are not the easiest for me to stomach, but as long as I don't go overboard, I like dishes with cumin, black pepper, ginger, jalepeno, and cilantro-not really a 'spicy' spice, but careful not to overdo it either- so that even boring chicken breast can be delicious. They really 'push things along the digestive track', if you get my drift. And that's one of the keys, besides exercise, that helps it melt off... you have to be nice to your insides too!

So, I'm doing all that I can to make sure that the 'long overdue removal of extra babyweight ' , (L.O.R.E.B. for short?) does not make a re-appearance. This Self site has been very helpful to start my track on losing those first stubborn 10 pounds, and I'm down a couple dress sizes. Getting slowly back to my weight from my twenties is much harder said than done, now that I am in my thirties (firmly fixing my mind towards looking good for July) , but the work is worthwhile. I feel stronger, healthier, more willing to get things done or just go out and do them.


Smaller me + more energy = even MORE energy when I go dance tonight! Woo! :D

Please, drink responsibly if you decide to go out tonight... if you stay home, have an extra one for me.
One tequila,... two tequila... something 'bout the floor? *KONK!*

;)

I found a black pebble on my path one day...

...and thought about a story I had forgotten, until that day. A story of wit, decision, and a bit of quick thinking.

Figured I would share it with you; perhaps, spare you from too much of my own insight for today. Maybe another day, sugar, since I'm a little tired. More and more lately... hmm...

well, my dear wanderers.

Enjoy. ;)

Thinking "Out of the Box"

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the money lender. The money lender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant's beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant's debt if he could marry the merchant's daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. The cunning money lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.

The money lender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But, if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant's garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine you were standing in the merchant's garden. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking.

Think of the consequences if she chooses the logical answers.

What would you recommend the girl do?

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

Oh, I hate doling these out... but I guess if you need one...

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we just have to think about them in a different way.

Boys, men, and those "things" in between...

Well, ahem, hello again sugars. Damn computers will drive me insane... but Good to be back!
Inappropriate raising of arms, refusing to salute Nixon-style...

Ok, you naughty nellies, what have you been into... I mean, UP to? ;)
So, yes, I am returning to my favorite medium after a LOOOONG stretch, and I feel a little better. Less one "grudge-ling" on my shoulder, which is always a weight off.
Now, to get rid of about 200 pounds of ... oh, right. Let me get back to what I'm here for, mm, bloggers?

In my travels, I've come to a very long-awaited understanding of things which I should have been aware of long ago. After all, for a woman of my age (lordie, just thinking that made me feel older) I should have realised this much sooner, but being a person that has tried to shed the last remnants of naitivity, and being unable to do so easily, I gave to much credit where it was not due. Much to my unneeded lament, I have had to learn the truth the hard way. Has it made me tougher? Maybe,... at heart I'm still a softie, but I've learned to also protect the one organ that can't seem to protect itself. Despite all the rib cage, and whatnot.

Therefore, I have come to certain inalienable conclusions, which I will impart to you here.
After all, isn't this why you love me so? ;)

Yes, well, here it is... I don't like to categorize men, but unfortunately (for them) they tend to do things that cause women to make the same conclusions that I have made. There are times which, albeit not within their own conscience knowledge, that they also have a tendency of mixing and crossing over these categories. With that said, I have come to see the male of our diverse and complicated, yet all so inevitable, species as falling within these three simple categories:

There are Boys.
There are Men.
Then, there are...haha... yeah, you guessed it.

Why is it so simple?
I cannot fault boys for being boys... we have all seen it firsthand. Youth provides two things without thought: the ability to be active, and the ability to be boundlessly idiotic. Just plain stupid. So why should I be angry at a boy being a boy? When a boy is no longer a young man. Because then, you really don't have an excuse to be stupid... you're just being mean, spiteful, ignorant, or refuse to accept your own faults. Let's get one thing straight. When a man insists that he's just a boy at heart, please don't confuse this for wanting to be young... unless it pertains to sports or a car. Because it usually means, "Um, it's not my fault that I've done what I've done, especially if I hurt you; that responsibility will fall to someone else because I can't be bothered to be a man." The fact is, we all grow up, and if you refuse to accept responsibility for your own life, then it doesn't matter if you want to blame everyone else. They have all moved on...

Men, real men, can be absolute dears. Wonderful. Fantastic. Yummy.... um,... smart. Funny. Interesting. Realistic. Focused. Complicated, yet amazingly, all at the same time, talented in appearing completely uncomplicated.
WOW.
Just not enough words to describe how great a real man is...

Hmm, ... well... some men might have a problem with my post, but hell, if you are men, then this post really is not for you... it's for you other lot that seem to skim by the surface of life, infecting and needlessly pestering women with your incessant need to create turmoil, conflict, and strife. Yes, you "other", if you could have been bothered to read this far... I'm looking right at you.

Don't make me come over there... and no, it won't be fun. Or good.
I have a heavy hand, and I know how to use it.
Pointed stare I'm keeping an eye on you lot.

But I'm sure that if you are a man, and you made it this far, thank you. I congratulate you (needlessly, cause you know you're just that damn awesome).

I will post...

... as soon as my connection is steady. Yes, my lovely bloggers... I'm alive!
Love you folks, be back soon...

I have wandered....

... near and far; and occasionally, been led astray.

But my need to plot down the things that I have done, alas,
has yet to go away.

Been a long time since I blogged last... wonder what everyone has been up to....
Ah, yes... you all have been quite busy, I see. Well, now, that is good. I'm glad to report that I have been as well. Let's see, courses are coming along quite nicely. I'm entering into my second year with the same college, and excited to fill up my days with unending reading and posting. :P
My sweet little girl will be turning 9 in the next few months... also, very exciting. I'll be expected to produce a "bonanza" of a party, as usual, and with very little help from the peanut gallery (as usual).

Socially, I could be doing better. I have not been trying folks, I kid you not; but, I have managed to acquire a stalker of sorts. And he's hit me in the one medium I least expected: through text- messaging. Now , this might not be so new for some of you {either to the proficient text-stalkers out there, or the recipient of such immediate and indemnifying messaging}, but I am NOT one to use text very often.
SO, when I began receiving what seemed like harmless and rather friendly text from someone I just barely talked to before, I took it upon myself to be friendly in return. BIG MISTAKE. I should have read the "this man is going to continue to pester you like tics on a dog" manual for Stalker's Texting Etiquette, because I did not expect to receive 100 messages in 2 weeks!

That is just a WEE bit much for us non-texters, especially from one person. That I barely talked to. And did I add, met once?

Yes. I have a stalker. As long as he does not try to find out where I live, I should be okay. I hope.... Egads, I need a few suggestions on what to do.



Well, Bloggerdom, love to stay and chat, but this cat needs her sleep.