Remembering You... every day, but mostly June 2

I wrote this on June 2, 2009. I didn't have the heart to post it then, and found this again. This is now year 10 that he's been gone. I've revised it a bit, as he's been gone a long time.
For the special person in my life: You've helped me to say what needs to be said with your words; I'm sending you my love. Hope you feel the warmth of my care for you and yours.

This is for my lil' bro.

Happy Birthday

Hey there, bro. Happy Birthday. I've missed you. I hope your doing well.
I'm wondering what your looking at today. Hopefully something wonderful. Are you happy?
Are you wondering about me? I know I have been flaky lately. I can get really stupid sometimes. You know you've always been smarter. The genius in our family. How did you always know so much?
Are you disappointed with me? I hope not.

Hey there, bro. You've been gone awhile. Did you know it's been three years? It's been hard. Every Christmas is really difficult. I was told it would get easier, but it really hasn't.
Mom still puts out a place for you every year, and I have to put it back. It's too hard to see it.
Dad still kept your picture in the living room. All that time.
The light-up block. You know which one? Yeah.

He's gone now, too.
...
Is he there, where you are?
...
I hope you two get along. I hope you're both ok. I hope... I hope...

Hey there, bro. You're supposed to be 30 this year. You're supposed to complain about getting old, and I'm supposed to laugh. I'm supposed to say you have no idea. But I can't...
There are still times I run into someone. They might ask how you've been. I catch on my breath and can't tell them... then I do, and it starts again. Sorry. Sorry. I say it's ok. But it's not.

Hey there, bro. Happy Birthday. You're here with me. I love you. But you know that.

I'll tell more about him; I need time to heal. Every time I say anything, it hurts. Ah, well. I guess that's what love does. But it's ok. Really, it is.