I found a black pebble on my path one day...

...and thought about a story I had forgotten, until that day. A story of wit, decision, and a bit of quick thinking.

Figured I would share it with you; perhaps, spare you from too much of my own insight for today. Maybe another day, sugar, since I'm a little tired. More and more lately... hmm...

well, my dear wanderers.

Enjoy. ;)

Thinking "Out of the Box"

Many hundreds of years ago in a small Italian town, a merchant had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to the money lender. The money lender, who was old and ugly, fancied the merchant's beautiful daughter so he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the merchant's debt if he could marry the merchant's daughter. Both the merchant and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. The cunning money lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter.

The money lender told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty bag. The girl would then have to pick one pebble from the bag. If she picked the black pebble, she would become the moneylender's wife and her father's debt would be forgiven. If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven. But, if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the merchant's garden. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick her pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine you were standing in the merchant's garden. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the moneylender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking.

Think of the consequences if she chooses the logical answers.

What would you recommend the girl do?

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the moneylender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

Oh, I hate doling these out... but I guess if you need one...

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Most complex problems do have a solution, sometimes we just have to think about them in a different way.

Boys, men, and those "things" in between...

Well, ahem, hello again sugars. Damn computers will drive me insane... but Good to be back!
Inappropriate raising of arms, refusing to salute Nixon-style...

Ok, you naughty nellies, what have you been into... I mean, UP to? ;)
So, yes, I am returning to my favorite medium after a LOOOONG stretch, and I feel a little better. Less one "grudge-ling" on my shoulder, which is always a weight off.
Now, to get rid of about 200 pounds of ... oh, right. Let me get back to what I'm here for, mm, bloggers?

In my travels, I've come to a very long-awaited understanding of things which I should have been aware of long ago. After all, for a woman of my age (lordie, just thinking that made me feel older) I should have realised this much sooner, but being a person that has tried to shed the last remnants of naitivity, and being unable to do so easily, I gave to much credit where it was not due. Much to my unneeded lament, I have had to learn the truth the hard way. Has it made me tougher? Maybe,... at heart I'm still a softie, but I've learned to also protect the one organ that can't seem to protect itself. Despite all the rib cage, and whatnot.

Therefore, I have come to certain inalienable conclusions, which I will impart to you here.
After all, isn't this why you love me so? ;)

Yes, well, here it is... I don't like to categorize men, but unfortunately (for them) they tend to do things that cause women to make the same conclusions that I have made. There are times which, albeit not within their own conscience knowledge, that they also have a tendency of mixing and crossing over these categories. With that said, I have come to see the male of our diverse and complicated, yet all so inevitable, species as falling within these three simple categories:

There are Boys.
There are Men.
Then, there are...haha... yeah, you guessed it.

Why is it so simple?
I cannot fault boys for being boys... we have all seen it firsthand. Youth provides two things without thought: the ability to be active, and the ability to be boundlessly idiotic. Just plain stupid. So why should I be angry at a boy being a boy? When a boy is no longer a young man. Because then, you really don't have an excuse to be stupid... you're just being mean, spiteful, ignorant, or refuse to accept your own faults. Let's get one thing straight. When a man insists that he's just a boy at heart, please don't confuse this for wanting to be young... unless it pertains to sports or a car. Because it usually means, "Um, it's not my fault that I've done what I've done, especially if I hurt you; that responsibility will fall to someone else because I can't be bothered to be a man." The fact is, we all grow up, and if you refuse to accept responsibility for your own life, then it doesn't matter if you want to blame everyone else. They have all moved on...

Men, real men, can be absolute dears. Wonderful. Fantastic. Yummy.... um,... smart. Funny. Interesting. Realistic. Focused. Complicated, yet amazingly, all at the same time, talented in appearing completely uncomplicated.
WOW.
Just not enough words to describe how great a real man is...

Hmm, ... well... some men might have a problem with my post, but hell, if you are men, then this post really is not for you... it's for you other lot that seem to skim by the surface of life, infecting and needlessly pestering women with your incessant need to create turmoil, conflict, and strife. Yes, you "other", if you could have been bothered to read this far... I'm looking right at you.

Don't make me come over there... and no, it won't be fun. Or good.
I have a heavy hand, and I know how to use it.
Pointed stare I'm keeping an eye on you lot.

But I'm sure that if you are a man, and you made it this far, thank you. I congratulate you (needlessly, cause you know you're just that damn awesome).

I will post...

... as soon as my connection is steady. Yes, my lovely bloggers... I'm alive!
Love you folks, be back soon...

I have wandered....

... near and far; and occasionally, been led astray.

But my need to plot down the things that I have done, alas,
has yet to go away.

Been a long time since I blogged last... wonder what everyone has been up to....
Ah, yes... you all have been quite busy, I see. Well, now, that is good. I'm glad to report that I have been as well. Let's see, courses are coming along quite nicely. I'm entering into my second year with the same college, and excited to fill up my days with unending reading and posting. :P
My sweet little girl will be turning 9 in the next few months... also, very exciting. I'll be expected to produce a "bonanza" of a party, as usual, and with very little help from the peanut gallery (as usual).

Socially, I could be doing better. I have not been trying folks, I kid you not; but, I have managed to acquire a stalker of sorts. And he's hit me in the one medium I least expected: through text- messaging. Now , this might not be so new for some of you {either to the proficient text-stalkers out there, or the recipient of such immediate and indemnifying messaging}, but I am NOT one to use text very often.
SO, when I began receiving what seemed like harmless and rather friendly text from someone I just barely talked to before, I took it upon myself to be friendly in return. BIG MISTAKE. I should have read the "this man is going to continue to pester you like tics on a dog" manual for Stalker's Texting Etiquette, because I did not expect to receive 100 messages in 2 weeks!

That is just a WEE bit much for us non-texters, especially from one person. That I barely talked to. And did I add, met once?

Yes. I have a stalker. As long as he does not try to find out where I live, I should be okay. I hope.... Egads, I need a few suggestions on what to do.



Well, Bloggerdom, love to stay and chat, but this cat needs her sleep.

Here's some food for thought....

Ok, more like 'words' than 'food', but you get the gist. I just want to try something new, and happily for me (ta-ta-da!), there's this lovely medium to hoar out as much as I choose to do... so I will.
*Muah!*
Thank you, dear Bloggerdom.
Alrighty! Intro to post, done. I'm ready to move forward.

That being said, are you ready?

Here you go...

What do these words really mean to you?

Self-consciousness
Awareness
Reflection
Distraction
Instinct
Need
Existence
Self-thoughts

????

Anybody? I'm sure someone gets it.... ah, there you go! :D

Yes, the mind is a terrible thing to waste; especially since, well, we only have one, right? Unless you're a micro-manager, then you hold several smaller minds in your sway, to control and subvert like zombies to your will-- as you please and... uh, well, I'm probably getting out of context, again.

*sigh*
( I tend to do that quite a bit.)
(Well, yes, I sigh a lot, too, but don't lose sight at this point, because, I, apparantly, can and will be distracted easily by... how did someone put it?)
....
(Oh, yes, I REMEMBER, 'small shiny objects' or baubles and men with incredible, superior intellect? Oh, yes, dear...poor little ol' me. Just a girl in the world... that's all that they'll let me be...)

I've come to realize several "truths" in life will only ever be if I allow them to be.

So, I choose not to let certain "truths", be. Follow? No? That's perfectly ok, too. This is my path, as I choose to live it and let others be. I do not need sheep; I am no shepard to anyone but myself. I will be, and that is that. It is only in the present in which I am eternal, as time and life passes through me. So, I will be. And that is that. What happens from here? I really don't know; but, I can tell you... it's going to be an experience.

Sorry Bloggerdom... Can you SEE me now??

Good!...
I have to apologize.... for my Internet connection issues. It's like a bad relationship with someone that you know you shouldn't be with, but you continue to put up with for lack of having someone else to turn to... and when you finally get into that other "great" relationship that you know is just what you need, it only gets worse. So much for looking forward to better service...

Hey Service Provider: What do I need to do to get some REAL service around here?
*Flashes more than just a smile*
Hmmm??

I know that it's my responsibility to return when I stated that I would. I should not try to make a commitment without confirming with my service provider. Such a tight leash that I am on...
Still trying to figure out--why there are times that I can connect and seem like I have no problems, then be completely disconnected the next? Funny how MAAN put it, and I'll apologize beforehand if it's not an exact quote: the day when we no longer have computer connection issues is the day when we can all connect on a psychic level.

In that case, I shall try to make do without getting fired for thinking indiscrete thoughts before an online meeting.

Realized even with the "Fall Back"...

... it's too late at night to post. 4:30 AM--- would have been 5:30? WHY am I still awake? Oh yeah...
Promised a few posts to some special people, so I won't disappoint.
Come back.... probably, later today!
Here's hoping these plans don't go to poop too...

Life...continued

I will live my life being happy in my skin; I will not break; I will be the shepard of my own soul. - Caro

I couldn't speak about my fears for a long time. But, as I turn my fears into realizations, I am able to confront them and use them to my advantage. I stopped beating myself up over how I feel about how I look. I'm happy to say that I am more comfortable in my own abilities, and that I will NEVER be perfect. Does that sound like a mantra? It is-- it's the mantra of a person with perfectionist problems. Say THAT five times fast! Agh.

I am not your perfect person, but I'm just right for me.

Now, I am more aware of the fact that I was trying to hard to be 'just right'... and every time I 'failed' it hurt so bad, because I was setting my goals so high that I could never realistically reach them. I spend time with my daughter, telling her all the time that I want her to do her best and be happy that she tried her hardest. No one is going to win all the time, despite what anyone thinks. It's a matter of a law of physics (maybe). :p

Now I am going for a 30 minute walk, not run, because I need some sunshine. ;*

My life: Too much information...

This is probably more than I would usually tell, but here goes...

I think the media warp our self-images, but I gotta give some of the credit to the moms out there. My mom, who I love dearly now and forever, was a decisive factor in my view. Even now, at a neat size 8, she thinks she is too "fat" because she can't fit into her size 4's and 6's.

I was a classic stereotype-- no makeup, dressed in jeans and t-shirts (and pullovers) for comfort, always with my nose in a book, and (*gasp*) was even in the orchestra as a violinist. I had even been accused of being a lesbian in front of my whole year class in middle school, right smack dab in the middle of the cafeteria, because of the way I dressed. I learned what it meant to have to develop “tough skin” due to those comments. I didn’t have a clear idea if I was or not, but they way people said it, it was given as an insult. I wasn’t asked out to date but once in middle school, and when I did I thought it was a mean joke. I was angry, so I laughed in his face, told him "yeah, right, so you can pull a 'Carrie' on me, I don't think so" and ran away. I felt bad about it afterwards when I heard that he had meant it.

I have been mostly "overweight" since middle school (in elementary school they just called me "chubby"), and high school was the worst. I never felt like I fit in to any group: not quite "dorky enough" for the smart kids, not quite "shy enough" for the wallflowers, and certainly not "beautiful enough" for the popular crowd. I was a 20-22 jeans at my biggest then: a bit shy, mostly an emotional-eater, and drawn to books about science fictions or mystery. THAT was my true pleasure, to get lost in a good book, more than chocolate (well, mostly more... unless it was a REALLY bad day.)

My first year of high school, I tried weight-loss pills (speed), and lost a bunch really quick; I was ecstatic until I almost overdosed when I couldn't control it. After that, my mom tried to make sure that she watched me like a hawk. I think she meant well, but I had to eat while she was still self-conscience about her own weight. So while I had to eat the burger- cheese, bun and all- when she was eyeing me, she pecked at her food (usually a plain salad) like a bird. My home life was so messed up.

I didn't date anyone serious until my junior year of high school, and he didn't even go to the same school in the same county (and considering where I lived, that was a feat, since the high schools were pretty far apart.) We dated, separated, reconciled, and have been together ever since. We married 11 years ago and have been through a whole helluva lot together. I love him dearly: he is truly my best friend, lover, and partner-for-life. We had an eye-opening experience recently where I finally got his attention back… but that’s another story. Let’s get back to this one for now.

It wasn't until I turned 22 that I finally lost some healthy weight. I felt great even though, at a 10-12, I still didn't consider myself skinny; just healthy. I ate better, danced a lot, and was going to college for a degree. I had friends, hung out at their houses, just chilled and had fun.
Then I was pregnant. Now, I know that having a child changes people, but there are good changes and bad changes. I had a child, and I emotionally just lost it. I gained all the weight back and then some, lost interest in eating well, and stopped going to school to stay home with the little one. I became severely depressed, lost my job. I tried several times to get back into the workforce, but nothing seemed to stick.

The depression and lack of funds caused me to lose my house, my dog, and my "friends", which was exasperated by losing not only a best friend but also my little brother within one year. I learned to love my daughter fiercely, but often lost myself in that love to ignore the fact that I didn’t care for myself. It finally struck home about a year ago: I hated myself. Not only that, but I hated all that I had become. It wasn’t enough that my husband loved me, my daughter called me the “Best Mommy in the Whole World”… because if I didn’t care for me, it didn’t register. So, I snapped out of it.
I realized that in not wanting to worry about my self-image, I was just going to make my daughter feel bad about herself. Ironic. I love my daughter but I will make her feel bad about having a few pounds. Duh! What an idiot. I couldn’t get over how I felt about that. I cried to hard my throat felt like it was going to fall off or explode, it was that painful.
This story to be continued…

"My Driving Force" or AKA- My Motivation

My Burning Light ; My Bright Flame ; My Reason for Breathing ...

My Beautiful Spark ; My Delightful Curiousity ; My Heart's Content!

Never a Caterpillar; Always a Butterfly...

My Heart Will Bleed when you fly Away...

If I Keep You Always, You would surely Wilt.

My Flower Blooms, but I must Water You.

Who would be upset if you could have such a wonderful daughter like mine?

She has been the best reason for me to feel better. I am so grateful for her in my life. She knows just how to cheer me up, and she tries harder than anyone else to do so. I know now more than ever why one's children are so dear... and my, she is a dear, for sure.