Tuesday, December 2, 2008

That Ol' Morale...Part III

It was odd, as it usually is in dreams… I didn't really know where I was, but seemed to know where to find things I needed. I saw that there was another door and a window, looking out onto an area that seemed to be someone’s driveway. I knew it wasn't my own, and ran out to see that he was being placed into someone’s vehicle. Oh, an officer then, I supposed, and cautiously walked over to the car.
I asked what he had done, why he was being taken away, and the officer turned around. Needless to say, I didn't expect the officer to look like myself! It was such a shock to my system that instead of waiting for an answer I turned away. The officer, who I suppose didn't notice my surprise, proceeded to tell me that he had stolen a vehicle and had been driving like a madman until he had reached this destination. That, in fact, he had crashed his stolen merchandise into the nearby fence in his haste to get to the door. The officer said that they finally caught up to him and would have to remove him from the area before he could hurt anyone else. That his recklessness had already caused some damage on his way to ME....
I couldn’t believe it (and certainly started to wonder just how much of this could be real) and asked him why he had done this. He looked up at me, from the back of the car then, so dejected and disappointed, and said that he didn’t know what else to do. He felt like there was no other way.
I knew this was crazy! It had to be! There was no way he would ever have acted this way in real life. I mean, come on! Steal someone else’s car; drive like a maniac, crash it into a fence, just to see me? Unreal. I realized then that I must have certainly been dreaming. I woke up, slightly startled that I had been dreaming of him again, after having put him out of my thoughts so long ago. But, something lingered from that dream. It could have been the way I have been feeling as of late. Forlorn, slightly depressed, but it manifested itself in a strange way. It may have been to show me that my feelings for him are dangerous, that if I continue to have them I basically am waiting for that perpetual “car wreck”, and that thinking that he would act against his nature of using people and being used by people is probably a fruitless act.
Maybe one day I will know just what the dream was trying to tell me. Perhaps by thinking through it I have figured it out on my own, knowing that the greater distance I put between myself and him would be better for me in the long run. I guess its better that way for him, too. After all, if he felt anything for me, he would have said so by now. I don’t think he ever will. He might mention how funny it was that he knew someone once who thought he really cared, then laugh. Or he may never mention me at all. But for now I will settle for a good coffee, let it be my morning wake up call, and put this onto paper and out of my thoughts.

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